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Questions for Niels Oeltjen

Name:

Niels Oeltjen (aka Nails).

Place of birth:

Hanover, Germany.

Currently living in:

Melbourne.

Train, bus, bike, or other:

Flying car, but would settle for a Jefferies tube.

What’s the most important object in your studio?

The nose cone of Concorde Flight 4590. I use it to store the apples that nourish me.

Paper or plastic?

Newsprint.

If you could resurrect one no longer living person to have lunch with, knowing you will have to return them to the grave right after coffee, who would it be?

Hitler. I have a couple of issues to raise with him. I’d be very happy to return him to the grave afterward, I might even give him a personal escort. I’d probably poison the coffee just to be sure.

Preferred method of dealing with an encounter with an acquaintance whose name you can’t remember.

Pretending I’m having some sort of seizure.

Why don’t you flip the tortoise over, Leon?

Why don’t you, Melody-Jane?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Just enough for a roaring campfire I reckon.

Favourite client so far?

It would be rude to answer that question.

Favourite imaginary client?

Buckminster Fuller.

How does your mother describe your profession?

Eloquently, or else.

Coffee or tea?

Maybe later.

What’s your earliest drawing memory?

Poking myself in the eye with a pencil at age three just to see what it felt like.

How do you prefer to spend your mornings?

Procrastinating.

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